Victoria's Thoughts
by Paulsmum2001
Summary: This is a companion piece to the story "Diego's Thoughts". It may not be as good as the first story, but I gave it a go. Maybe it will be updated and edited to make it more concise and clearer. It did get away from me. And the ending seems strange to me.


**This is the companion piece to "Diego's Thoughts". I don't know if it is as good as the first one, as it got away from me at times. Diego is more complicated as well, and a good actor. Just an experiment, and any thoughts and ideas for editing will be taken very seriously.**

**Thanks KlingonKitten for the last line. Very cool, and sorry I took so long.**

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**Victoria's Thoughts**

I see him sometimes, my friend the caballero. The handsome, Don Diego de la Vega, talking to his friends at the tavern. Sometimes he talks to me over the counter, happy in our friendship. Sometimes he is alone, and waiting – I am not sure what he waits for. Sometimes he seems so distant, and I know he is thinking of "her". He seems to stare at me occasionally, but I realise he is staring into space; I am just in the way. His eyes are filled with such longing, such despair, that I worry for him. And then the moment is past, before I can think of what to say to him. It seems to be my imagination, so I let the moment slip.

The woman who has won Diego's heart is a nameless mystery. She doesn't know, he won't tell her of his love, as she loves someone else. My heart aches for his despair sometimes. Life can be hard. He needs to toughen his heart and move on, but he is too gentle for that.

He is a wonderful, patient and kind man, and after all a man of poetry and art and music has some sort of appeal. His knowledge is an asset to the territory, as he helps people every now and then. People mention his kindness the rare times he isn't in the tavern, and I grow surprised at their devotion to the wealthy scholar. Some of their lives have changed so much for the better, that I am proud of my friend. The man of knowledge can help others, only in different ways to the man of action.

I wipe the counters and sometimes I glance at him. Talking to the sergeant he seems so animated, so intense. He is always encouraging more talk, more details, and sometimes I think he buys drinks to keep him talking, but then I shake my head. Diego is just taking a break from his books, and enjoying a strange friendship that no one could have expected.

Diego normally leaves towards luncheon, as he is needed by his father or some such thing, and the tavern changes. Somehow I always seem to get more work done when Diego isn't in the tavern. Strangers drift in and out all day long, sometimes trouble comes with them. Sometimes the masked man I love follows quickly after and the trouble is wiped away as though it was never there. He leaves with a two fingered wave or a kiss on the hand, and disappears into mystery.

At night, I wait up. I leave the dishes until my eyes droop and I can no longer keep them open. He could come. There is no way of predicting if Zorro will come to call - that masked man of my heart.

Sometimes he whisks me into his arms immediately if I am the air he needs to breathe. Sometimes he sits and watches me for a few moments, silently, until I turn and there he is, his arms open for me to run into and to be held. I wonder why the differences, but not for long, he normally sweeps me up and embraces me and my wonderings are lost in the magic of his kiss. My body responds to him in ways that terrify and encourage me at the same time. His kiss is like something from a fairy tale, not quite real, and in some ways, too real. I would go wherever he led, without fear, even if it meant death or disgrace. Mindlessly, caught up in his passionate embrace. It is only his willpower that saves us both, which relieves and disappoints me at the same time.

Who knows if he will ever reveal his true self to me? He lives in the fear that I will not be able to love the man behind the mask. Anything I say does not change this fear. Who knows if we will ever be together? Peace seems as unlikely as it ever has, and we are not getting any younger. Time is slipping faster through our fingers, like sand, but we live only for today, for the next embrace, for the next wave of his fingers.

I tell Diego some of my feelings, but the secret ones, I don't. My engagement to Zorro and the ring he gave me are so special, so private that I will never tell anyone, even Diego.

Diego doesn't tell me to stop dreaming, to grow up and think of reality, and that is why I tell him. He listens and doesn't interrupt, and that is one thing I need and that I can rely on from Diego. He is better than a brother, he never judges. Any other man, including my brothers, would tell me that Zorro is wasting my time, that I need a real man, but not Diego. His ears listen to my stories; he nods and appreciates the fact that Zorro is my heart. Diego offers advice. He soothes my fears.

With Diego I can be my authentic self, vulnerable and trusting, knowing that I am safe. I can tell him everything. With Zorro, I am not so safe; we love each other so much that we live for each other, but the passions he arouses are dangerous. There is no need for talk. It is like we know each other too well to dwell on words.

Could it be that I recognize the man? No, impossible!


End file.
